Scrum Deprogramming Seminars coming to a City near you

Apr. 1, 2012 – San Diego, Ca – Due to growing market demand, we are proud to announce our syllabus for the Scrum Deprogramming and Rehabilitation Sessions coming to a city near you.

Topics that will be covered include:

  • How to plan more than 2 weeks ahead
  • How to speak while sitting down
  • How to read and write documents — with special emphasis on Word, Visio and Powerpoint documents
  • How to collaborate with team members around the country using modern tools such as Skype, Email, Webex, Mobile Messaging and more
  • How to reduce change during production through such modern mechanisms as prototyping, wireframing, mocks, etc
  • How to estimate in standard time units — not just T-shirt sizes!
  • How to avoid separation anxiety when working alone
  • How to delete those pesky Scrum Master references from your resume
  • The best slippers to wear while telecommuting
  • And More!

Participants may notice withdrawal symptoms such as nervousness, convulsions, happiness and freedom.

At the end of your course, will receive a certificate and secret handshake that will demonstrate to your coworkers and  employers that you are 100% rehabilitated!

To prevent remission all participants are sent home with a note to coworkers and family members admonishing them to NOT ask the participant what they did yesterday for at least 3 months.

Note: The Possession, Use, Sale, Distribution, or Manufacture of “Stickies” (aka Post-It’s) is Strictly forbidden and will not be tolerated. Repeat offenders will be asked to leave the program. Your cooperation is greatly appreciated.

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6 Responses to Scrum Deprogramming Seminars coming to a City near you

  1. AgileRenee says:

    *phew* glad I can still use my system cards

  2. Fletch says:

    I dunno, I reckon there’s some money to be made there. But you’re a bit ahead of your time. Like the film Waterworld, made some money even though it was released before anyone cared about global warming. On the other hand, perhaps it was perfectly timed because it was released whilst the world was actually still warming. But I digress…

  3. Pingback: My most Relevant posts on Agile organized for your reading pleasure | PostAgilist's Software Architecture Blog

  4. Nico says:

    Funny and yet so true. Just a shame that agile retards still need to squeeze their little doo on every web post that states the obvious: Agile has failed as a reliable and repeatable delivery practice. The reason is so simple, not everyone likes to convey complex ideas on two word sticky notes! Good on ya for sharing those thoughts.

  5. ljl_geek says:

    Damn, an April Fool’s joke. I had people I wanted to sign up for this.

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